Modest Proposals

May 11, 2002

A Modest Proposal: Fan the Fires of Discontent

Many spiritually conscious people seek contentment in their lives, so why would I say, "Fan the Fires of Discontent?" I suggest that it is through discontent that we reach contentment. Seemingly a paradox, is it not? Let's take a closer look.

To begin with contentment cannot be forced or simply chosen. Oh sure, you can say, "I choose to be content," but are you - really? What lies under the surface when you assume the guise of contentment if you truly are not? The concerns and foibles that all humans are subject to: fears, desires, uncertainty, loneliness are still there… A lot of us pretend that they are not, but they are. For the small child who hides his head under the blanket in the dark of his room pretending that there really are not monsters out there in the shadows, the monsters are there, not in the shadows of his room, but in the shadows of his mind. We create our monsters and our discontent.

Fire is hard to ignore especially when it is up close and personal. It's hot, and if we get too close, we burn. No normal person jumps into a roaring bonfire. Lots of us move up close enough to feel the heat but no further. Likewise, we are reluctant to deal directly with our discontent, but the heat of it makes us "uncomfortable." Our discomfort gets expressed as anger, frustration, depression, and other unwanted emotions.

If you want to use it, discontent can lead you to contentment. For as long as discontent lies just under the surface of everyday life, you cannot truly experience contentment. You create your discontent out of the way in which you relate to life. Let's look at an operational definition of discontentment. "Discontentment is the state of BELIEVING something should be other than what it is." For most of us that takes in a lot of possibilities!

A belief is not necessarily the truth; it may be, and more likely it is not. A belief is basically an assumption that is not based on experience or fact but on a guess, educated or not. If I ask you, "Will it be sunny tomorrow?" You might answer, "I believe it will." For you, it will be sunny tomorrow, but neither of us will know for sure until tomorrow arrives. Beliefs are great sustainers in many situations in life; however, when they are associated with discontent, they act to hold us in its grip. The danger in beliefs is when we change how we reference them from, "I believe," to "I know." Knowing is an entirely different state of awareness. Knowing shuts down the possibility that there is another "truth."

The path to contentment is to recognize that your discontentment is a belief, not fact. Give a voice to it by expressing it aloud or on paper. Now you intellectually know what it is. The next step is to examine how you are relating to it. The short cut is to simply accept whatever you find. Now, this part is key: acceptance does not mean inaction, not at all. Acceptance sweeps away the emotional cobwebs clouding a situation and clears the way for taking action to release discontent, not to continue to nurture it.

Would you like to work on truly finding contentment? If you do, here are some actions that you may wish to try. This process requires being very honest with yourself, so if you are not willing to do that, don't bother - you will simply experience frustration. If you are, there is a gold mine waiting for you to tap it.

1. Take some time and write down all of the parts of your life about which you are discontented. You may want to use categories such as: intimate relationships (spouses, partners, etc.), children, parents, siblings, friends, job or avocation, finances, living conditions, health, and position in life. Remember, that discontentment is the state of believing something should be other than what it is. As an example of the very common financial discontentment, your statement of discontent might read, "I am not making enough money, I am concerned about my financial future, and I see no way of becoming financially secure." Writing each statement of discontent on a file card or separate piece of paper is a good idea.

2. Test each element of your statement of discontent for its true validity. Using the example above, is it really true that you are not making enough money? Making enough money for what? If you have adequate food, shelter, clothing, and access to health care, what else do you truly need? If you have those things, you have much more than over half of the Earth's population. Since there is a disconnect in your thinking between what you have and think you should have, look at the difference between the two, and reevaluate and consider what is driving the urge to have more. My bet is that you will find your ego soundly entrenched in the gap.

3. If you are truly not making (or have access to) enough money to have adequate living conditions, then use the fire of your discontent to figure out a way to have enough money. Discontentment is another way of expressing that you are playing the victim. It is possible to not have enough of something and not be a victim. Playing the victim makes someone else responsible for your situation. Being a victim is a helpless situation because you have assigned the power to hold yourself victim to someone or something outside of you. Ego creates discontentment to keep us powerless in the matter of being contented. If you are contented, ego has no role.

4. You reclaim your power by being in action. Action is the antidote to being a victim. Action is fanning and fueling the fire of discontent until you have to resolve it because the heat of your discontent is too much to bear. What are the actions? I don't know, this is your discontentment, not mine. I do know that if you accurately assess what you need versus what you have, and if there is gap, close it. Then you will find contentment. The trick is figuring out what you need… Ego is going to tell you that you need more than you truly do. This applies to any area of your life in which you are discontented, not just money or finances. Unconditionally accept what you have, and if that truly is not enough, then act to remedy the situation out of personal power not from anger or frustration.

Discontentment can smolder for years without bursting into flame. Ego likes it that way - just enough discomfort to keep you listening to ego, but not enough to take action. My Modest Proposal is to fan the fires of discontent until you resolve to extinguish them. The reward is a true contentment that adds incredible zest and vitality to life.

Comments and counter proposals are welcome. Please email ron@RonMcCray.com.

In the Light...Ron

 

Email Ron: Ron@RonMcCray.com

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