September 11, 2002

A Modest Proposal - Heal Yourself?

Hello again,

First, I need to take care of old business. Last month, I posed the third and last question used in some shamanic traditions to assist someone in healing: "Why am I here?" I also promised to give my answer to the question.

Here goes… I am here to reconnect with our divinity by unconditionally loving myself.

Frankly, I believe that's what ALL of us are here to do. That's only my belief, and I offer it to you for your discernment. For most of us making that reconnection involves healing the emotional wounds that are raw and festering from decades of constant irritation. I know the metaphor is a bit graphic but intentionally so. It is said that when pain reaches a certain level of intensity, the recognition of the pain ceases at the level of consciousness. It's still there; but we don't consciously know it. The same phenomenon holds true with emotional pain; it's there, but we no longer are conscious of its causes.

Biologists call this the principle of acclimation. Put a frog in a pan of tepid water, turn the heat up slowly, and the frog will sit there and cook because its body slowly adjusts to the rising temperature and pain. We are spiritual frogs sitting in our pan of emotional pain that has gradually heated up for so many years that we no longer recognize what is happening. We may feel the pain but have long lost what makes us hurt. We eventually do want our lives to be different than what they are but are clueless about what to do.

Enter healing.

Healing is a funny thing. We talk about it. We attempt it. Do we understand it? Many people don't. Many people simply place the responsibility for their healing with someone or something else. We get treatments, readings, adjustments, and so forth that are administered by other people or by even non-human means. None of it is "bad or wrong," but it can only take us so far. Healing done by others essentially helps reduce or temporarily abate symptoms; it does not cure the root causes of emotional pain. Only we can heal ourselves at the level of our emotional wounds. Relying SOLELY (or is it "soul-ly?") on others to ultimately heal us is like taking aspirin for a headache that does not go away. The symptom is simply being masked. We do the same with emotional pain.

OK, maybe you kind of buy this, but the question arises, what are these emotional wounds? There are a lot of approaches and metaphorical answers to that question, and many books are devoted to addressing it. Here is a short and bitter answer. Emotional wounds first occur when we discover that love and acceptance are conditional. We come to believe that we must "earn" the respect and love of others. Then each time we experience not being loved and accepted, the wound is opened a bit more until the pain is transmuted into judgments that we hold about ourselves and others (there really are only judgments that we hold about ourselves - our judgments of others are simply our own mirrored back to us).

No one but you can release your own judgments. Let me say that again: no one but you can release your own judgments. Three's a charm: no one but you can release your own judgments. Got the picture?

That's the bad news. Is there any good news in all of this? You bet. The good news is that anyone CAN heal him or herself. You are probably going to need some support. I did, and everyone that I know who has ventured into their dark side (where the wounds are) has had support. So how do you find a "healer" who knows how to support you in healing yourself?

I didn't know enough about what to look for when I set out searching for people to support me in healing myself so I found a lot of dead ends and empty heads. If I were you (and I am not) before I would let ANYONE lay a metaphysical finger on my spiritual body, I would determine the following:
1. Ask the healer if he or she truly loves him or herself. Get ready for some blank looks or averted gazes. Be really aware of what's happening with that person and use your discernment in evaluating the answer. If you don't get an answer, the answer is "no," or your discernment tells you that you're not getting a straight answer (in other words the BS alarm) goes off, then smile, thank the healer for his or her time, and find somebody else.
2. If you get past step 1, look for signs that the healer is not experiencing self-love. Look for judgments expressed by the healer about anything. If you are in the presence of someone who is facilitating your healing, you should have the optimum environment, and that is not one in which a lot of judgment and opinion are flying around.
3. During and following the healing session, if the healer does not have you actively involved in your own healing, then you are being administered spiritual aspirin. The pain will come back, and of course you need to return to the healer for another "treatment," and another and another... Find another healer.

You have to do the major work in your own healing. No one can do that for you. And, it's usually not fun. It's like going to the dentist only it takes longer. You do go to the dentist, don't you? It is worth the effort - I know - been there and done that - both healing myself and going to the dentist regularly.

Thus, my Modest Proposal to you is: If you want to be healed of your emotional wounding, learn to heal yourself. Cause there ain't nobody else who can do it for you.

I wrote this on the eve of September 11, 2002, and it will probably be released before much of the 11th in the US plays out, so I don't know what will happen, if anything. Whatever comes about, I wish each of you that which is in your best and highest interest. I pray for us all. God bless the world.