A Modest Proposal

Uncommon thinking about common experiences
inspired by a quote attributed to Albert Einstein:
“Today’s problems cannot be solved at the same
level of thinking that created them.”

April 11, 2004

Of what value is it? Part 1 of 2

Over the last couple of decades, I have been both student and teacher - reading, listening, and integrating a wealth of knowledge about metaphysics and spiritual evolution. Today, I ask myself, “Of what value was it?” I expended thousands of hours and dollars in constant pursuit of what I thought was my path. What is my ROI – return on investment?

With the exception of a very few lessons and experiences, the ROI is negligible with respect to having really moved me forward, in contrast to circling in ever widening circles. To be sure, much of what I learned and experienced was both “interesting” and “informative,” but of no real value in transforming the quality of my life. This assessment is made in spite of exposure to some of the most revered spiritual luminaries, living and passed, as well as several jolts from the man in the street. Why didn’t what they taught me and so many others “take?”

It was not from my reluctance to being open to them or their teachings. It was not from my unwillingness to pay attention; although, I admit to occasional inattention and frequent monkey-mind lapses. And it certainly was not from an arrogant belief that they had nothing to teach me. Why did I continue to expand my circling around spiritual evolution instead of moving forward in a linear fashion, sinuous as it might be?

Before answering my own question, I wish to say that I was aware that I was not moving forward. The fear, frustration, depression, and oftentimes anger, that drove me to continually seek “the” way to transform myself, remained throughout much of this period, even though during it I began writing and teaching about spiritual transformation. Lest you judge me as hypocritical in this respect, I completely believed at the time that I was providing a useful service to others in spite of my own lack of enlightenment, and that what I had to say was of value. Based on the responses received from readers and people that I taught or coached, there is some evidence to support that claim. But, was I just another “source” that widened others’ circles? (I don’t know the answer to that for we never know which word or act may indeed help someone to snap out of his or her circle and move toward the Light; my suspicion is that I have helped a few people to break out of their circles, and I am honored to have done that even if only one person truly benefited.)

With respect to the question of why I continued to circle for so long… the answer lies in my not applying what I learned. My pile of books and tapes along with the hours of “sitting” at the feet of various gurus were simply wasted for the most part, because I expected that reading the books, playing the tapes, listening to the gurus, and performing rituals and practices would somehow transform me. I kept placing myself in the spiritual microwave and cooking my soul in the hopes that my life would change, hopefully for the better …whatever I thought that might be at the time.

The answer lies in my head shaping my heart.

I am a linear, left-brained, person – a thinker. It is that with which I was born, and it is that with which I will die. Being logical and curious - having to “know” at the level of mind before I accept is both a blessing and a curse. Being a thinker does not mean that I always have to be thinking. Even for a thinker, it is possible to release to my heart, and to accept in a far different fashion than logical thought. When my head shaped my heart, my head expected my heart to line up with its brilliant logic and carry out its marching orders. My head told my heart that if I read the Tao de Ching enough times that, although I did not understand most of it, I would somehow inculcate its lessons into my life, and I would transform. The head to heart communication channel is unidirectional and southbound. My head was not really interested in what my heart had to say; after all, my head had already done all of the work, and all my heart had to do was fall in line and transform my life.

Well, my head was right about one thing: it was my heart that had to transform my life. The problem was that my heart was NOT going to take directions from my head. When I realized that the most inclusive, insightful logic that I could develop was not getting the job done, I surrendered to my heart out of desperation.

It all happened when I met the woman who is now my partner, or perhaps, it is more accurate to say when we met again after an absence of almost twenty years. Meeting each other again after all of those years is another story. The relevance of her reentering my life after two decades is that she is the first person to unconditionally love me as an adult. To say that I was smitten by her is an understatement. Believe me, if you are fortunate enough to have someone, man or woman, love you unconditionally, you will know how powerful the attraction is.

I thought (my head shaping heart again) that I loved her unconditionally as well. When she told me that I did not AND that it did not matter, I was incredulous (which in retrospect proved that I did not love her unconditionally, but I was so “headstrong,” I had no awareness of what my heart was trying to tell me). When I finally listened to my heart and knew that although I wanted to love her unconditionally (a head determination), I did not know how. Here I was a teacher of sorts stumping on the trail of the necessity of unconditional love for spiritual evolution, and I did not know what it was. I could only tell you my “concept” of it; I was not living it.

It was this realization that motivated me to declare that I would find my way to unconditionally love her – not that I had to but that I needed so much to completely connect with her, and my unconditional love for her was necessary to that connection. I did not have a clue as to how to truly unconditionally love her. In fact, we sat on the balcony of a hotel in Sedona watching a beautiful sunset on the day of the harmonic concordance in 2003, and I lamented that if I could love her unconditionally, I would, but I did not know how. I committed then and there to unconditionally loving her, whatever it took.

Since then, some six months later, I am so happy to say that I found my way to loving her unconditionally. The resulting connection that I have with her is indescribable so I won’t even try. Suffice it to say that we are leading a life of bliss, fulfillment, and harmony although we have had (and continue to have) many trials that are great lessons, and each one strengthens our relationship. We have essentially melded into one entity. How did this come about?

Heart shapes head.

When I finally started listening to my heart and allowing it to shape my head, what I needed to do to release the blocks that kept me from unconditionally loving her (and myself) became clear. As I have repeatedly admonished my readers and clients, spiritual evolution is simple but not easy. Now, I finally understand the true meaning of that statement and have consequently transformed who I am.

As for you, my beloved readers, I truly wish that I could describe to you a three-step (or whatever) process for allowing your heart to shape your head; I cannot, for allowing your heart to shape your head is something that only you can do and each person’s “way” of getting there is unique and personal. I can tell you that doing so for me began with a powerful need to love unconditionally and the resolve to do so. If you sincerely ask Spirit to help you, have faith, and pay attention to the lessons that come forth, you will hear the voice of your heart and then you will know what to do. That is the most I can tell you. When you learn to shape your head with your heart, your life will change in the most wonderful ways imaginable.

My proposal to you is: if you are truly committed to evolving spiritually, ask, “Of what value is it?” each time you consider expending energy to explore a “method” for releasing the blocks to truly loving unconditionally. If the method does not lead to listening to your heart, look elsewhere. There are many teachers, methods, and processes that can help you to learn to listen to your heart. You only need the willingness to do so, and then remain committed to doing the work. Simply buying a carpenter’s tool kit does not get a house built.

May you be well and discern with compassion…

Ron McCray