“Discontent” is one of those scholarly sounding words that some writers (like me) are so fond of. We can twist and turn it to do our bidding; to carry the message de jour. Consider…
- I am dis-contented [where the hyphen serves to accentuate some special use of the word but what is that?].
- I am without content and so am empty [the clever play on words].
- If I am without contentment then I should simply switch to being content, for after all it is a matter of choice [taking the spiritual high ground for a solution].
Looking back upon my spiritual high ground days, I find that I spouted stuff like this for years and I actually believed it! Today, I see that the solution was invalid for me because I’m not very good at doing the switching part. I think that’s because I never went beneath the surface of my discontent, my discord.
Being a big advocate of definition, here’s my definition of discontent from a spiritual perspective.
discontent: noun, wanting something to be other than what it is; synonym: discord
Seasoned readers of Modest Proposals know that I’m big on definitions for I believe that they serve the purpose of creating a common understanding of key words or phrases. You may have your own definition and that’s great…but this article is based on mine so here goes.
First, a little science lesson…if you fill a glass with water all the way to the top, to the point that it’s about to spill over, there is a rounded surface to the water that actually sticks up over the rim of the glass without spilling over. The sticky-up part is called the meniscus which is held together by the surface tension of the water. The water maintains its form and resists overflowing.
I have determined that my discontent exists whenever I am judging something that I cannot control and there is a mental meniscus created by the surface tension of my judgment. When this happens, my ego prevents me from breaking the discontent of surface tension, and enforces a “No Diving” policy so that I can protect myself from the murky depths of my mind. Better the devil I know than the devil I don’t know. So, the surface tension of my judgments becomes ever more impenetrable, and I am increasingly inclined to stay above it all. That’s all fine and OK, but there is a problem…
As I continue to be judgmental about things I can’t control, the surface tension becomes thicker as the events that I judge become more frequent and more, ah, shall we say intense. I try copping out by occasionally peering down at the surface, but with my head still above water all that I can see is murk…and that’s not very enlightening. Here comes the dilemma, one of the two horned variety: I am either impaled on the horn of increasing my discontent or on the horn of the unknown that is waiting for me ever-so-patiently beneath the surface. Hmmm, maybe this discontent stuff is really not that bad. Unfortunately, I only have to wait and it’ll eventually become that bad or worse! It may take a long time, maybe even lifetimes but it will happen. When it does become that bad, there is only one thing to do: take a deep breath, break the surface tension and find out what’s down there.
So, what is beneath the surface of my discontent?
Time for a true story…around the time of writing this article, my partner Cindy and I chose to look for a new home in another state. We went there for several days and found a house to buy. It’s a bit nicer than the one we have (but without our beloved river) and is conveniently located yet far enough from the nearest town to have privacy. Sounds really great, right? Enter the Seller (which in real estate speak is capitalized and singular (as is the Buyer) and the Seller’s “agent” (the LA – Listing Agent). Let the games begin.
We knew what the Seller paid for the house a little over three years ago. Now, they were asking about 75% more than they paid without really doing much to the property. We made an offer for quite a bit less than the asking price, and a round of counteroffers ensued. After the dust settled, we accepted the Seller’s current offer which was only slightly less than their asking price. Cindy and I experienced some discontent, but I didn’t go below the surface because we really wanted the house. So, knowing full well that we were being “taken” by the Seller, I capitulated. There were other shenanigans that caused me discord up to this point, but preferring to stay above the surface, I swallowed my discontent and associated judgments and then rationalized my stuffing.
Before we left the area, we asked our agent (the BA – Buying Agent) to ask the LA if we could talk to the Seller about general information about the house, stuff that it takes time to figure out on one’s own like where is the wellhead and septic tank (hopefully far apart from one another). Well, the LA told the BA that under no circumstances could we have any direct communication with the Seller – no phone, no email, no letters, no smoke signals, nothing. In fact any communication from us, the Buyer, to the Seller had to pass through the BA to the LA to the Seller and then back through the LA to the BA to the Buyer – a six step process to find out if there is an extra garage door opener. My discontent grew but there was still no diving beneath the surface, just more judging and stuffing.
We came home having had a bittersweet experience. Sweet because we liked the house, a large outbuilding for which we have plans to create a meeting center of sorts, and the land. Bitter because we felt that we were not being treated fairly, but true to old patterns, I continued to judge and stuff telling myself that this would be over soon. The Buyer is moving a couple of hundred miles away and good riddance. Who needs greedy, unfriendly people in their backyard? See what I mean about judgment?
Within a few days of our return home we had settled into our decision to buy the house and began planning to sell our current home. The next shoe dropped when I got an email from our Mortgage Broker (MB) with the appraisal of the house we are buying. Of course, it appraised for enough to get our loan (don’t they always?) and all is well UNTIL I read in the property description that the actual size of the house and the outbuilding was overstated by 50% in the listing. In addition to feeling like I just checked into the Stupidville Hotel, I was outraged. My surface tension of discontent was now the consistency of Jell-O and headed towards becoming concrete. Dive beneath the surface? Ha, I wanted to break the surface tension alright but with the heads of the Seller and the LA. We had agreed to pay an “outrageous price” for something that turned out to be 2/3 of the size advertised.
Here are some of my judgments about the Seller and the LA:
- They are crooks.
- They are unethical.
- They think they can blithely take advantage of us.
- They are trying to cheat us.
- They are cold and arrogant.
- They are purposefully insulting and “dissing” us.
That’s just for openers…using polite language.
One last event to factor in…the BA thought that perhaps the LA was engineering the situation to get us to cancel the contract because the LA might have another buyer through the LA’s agency which means a double commission share for the LA. Was it true? We had no way of knowing. What we did know is that if we made a demand for a reduced price, the Seller could walk away from the deal, and we would lose the house. We were both experiencing major discontent but were hoisted on the horns of the discontent dilemma: remain discontented or choose the unknown underneath the surface and the chance of losing the house.
Cindy and I stressed and debated for three days. We wrung our hands which substituted for the necks of the Seller and the LA. We made lists and then a list of the lists. We talked through every scenario we could think of, often involving our BA via telephone. Poor guy; I’m sure that he’ll be really happy when this is over! Finally, Cindy took the dive underneath the surface tension of her discontent and came to peace with a decision. I was still paddling around on the surface tension which was now about the thickness of putty, still unwilling to look beneath. Why should I?! I was wronged and somebody had to pay. None of this was my fault; I was a victim of the +&%^*@!$ Seller and the LA. Spewing judgments right and left felt good but only briefly. In my calmer moments I kept asking myself, “What is the right course of action?”
It finally got that bad and the descent into my discontent began.
It’s fair to say that my definition of discontent (wanting something to be other than what it is) was alive and well. Was it ever! I wanted the Seller to play nice and own up to their evil deeds and give us a substantial discount on the agreed to purchase price and to apologize for misleading us...which if you were wondering, still hasn’t happened. OK, it’s time to leave the pity-party, stop playing the victim and figure out what’s really going on down there beneath the surface. What do I know about my discontent?
- When I look at the surface of my discontent I “see” the Seller and the LA taking advantage of us with no regard to who Cindy and I are. I judge them as cold, greedy, and rigid liars.
- I’m stuck in my dilemma of wanting “satisfaction” from the Seller and the LA and desiring to live in the house, which if I pursue “satisfaction” we may lose.
- I’m not able (so I think) to resolve the dilemma. In fact, it just gets worse; the surface tension just gets thicker.
How can I break the impasse of my discontent dilemma? I knew how, for I learned how some time ago. The “how” had simply been kicked into the dark recesses of my mind by my ego. Enter the flash ofknowing which often pops up in the dark hour of need…call it Jiminy Cricket, intuition, inner guidance, a communication from the Soul, a tap on the shoulder from a Guide or the Higher Self…the Source doesn’t matter…the knowing does. It came as one word: hesitation!
Hesitation generally has a bad rap in our culture. He who hesitates is lost, or so we are told from childhood. Sometimes hesitation is not in our best interest, like when swimming in the ocean and a fin breaks the surface of the water and it ain’t a porpoise! There are many times however when hesitation is very valuable – and this was one of them.
From one point of view, it would seem that I was already hesitating, for I could not determine what I should do: just buy the house as is and forget satisfaction or put on my warrior’s armor and go after the evil LA and Seller? That’s not hesitation; it’s indecision and procrastination. Hesitation is taking time to understand what’s really going on…to take a deep breath and stick my head through the surface tension of my discontent and see the truth before taking action.
So, I did just that. With my head under the surface of my discontent, I found clarity not murk- I saw that I had lost faith that what Cindy and I were doing in buying the house was not buying a house but taking a step on our path into a future of possibility that we didn’t have where we now live. The financial cost of the new house didn’t really matter, for we are blessed with being able to afford it. Whatever the motivations and intentions of the LA and Seller were didn’t really matter in the Light of having faith in what I knew in my heart was the right course of action.
I chose to join Cindy (who as usual was a few light years ahead of me) in the decision to buy the house and let go of all my dark fantasies of retribution against the LA and Seller. I decided that they are not really “evil” but are simply muddling through life doing the best they can - as we all are. If they have ill intent that is for them to bear into their future; it does not concern us, for their selling the house to us has opened a path into the future that was heretofore not available.
My last step was to accept the situation and to forgive…to forgive myself, the LA, and the Seller. When I did this, the surface tension of discontent magically disappeared and I could see to the bottom of the well…to wisdom.
My Modest Proposal is that when you are looking into the surface tension of discontent and are hooked on the horns of dilemma, hesitate and take whatever time is necessary to allow yourself to dive beneath the surface and find out what’s really there. (It’s probably not as bad as you imagine.)
May you discern wisely,
Ron McCray
Please note: This Modest Proposal was edited and fine-tuned by my partner Cindy who is the muse for much of my writing. I thank her for helping to craft my writing in such a way that it is as effective as we collectively can make it.
This newsletter had its beginnings with my work on the online magazine PlanetLightworker.com. I am grateful for the support of the magazine's staff especially Editor Sandra Sedgbeer. Visit the site for an eclectic mix of spiritually oriented articles, features, and art with a brand new edition published at the first of every month. PlanetLightworker
Modest Proposal text: Copyright 2006 Ron McCray
All other content is copyrighted as is associated with the specific content. The Modest Proposal text may be reproduced without permission provided the use is strictly non-commerical. If in doubt, contact Ron.
Contact Ron at ron@turtlewheel.com
Visit Ron's website, The Turtle Wheel at www.turtlewheel.com
To subscribe to the Modest Proposals newsletter click SUBSCRIBE..
The Modest Proposals newsletter supports spam free emailing and requires email validation that you wish to subscribe. If you choose to subscribe, you will be sent an email that you must reply to in order to complete the subscription. Ron cannot complete the subscription for you once it is started. Your email address will not be sold, given, bartered, or traded with any other party. You may unsubscribe at any time by following the link provided in each newsletter. If you have questions, please contact Ron: ron@turtlewheel.com. Thanks...
Let's all be MADmen and MADwomen by (Making A Difference)!
Home - Contents - Back to Modest Proposals